My wife works for the FBI

She told me the 44 Magnum was purely for cooking purposes only, and I believed her...

Lisa and I watched "The Departed" on the weekend. A crass, who-knows-how-realistic film by the master of dissatisfying endings, Martin Scorsese. Whenever I see a movie like that, where one or more of the characters is leading a double life of crime or whatever, I always have to check with Lisa if she is a spy or something. Call me paranoid, but I don't think you can ever be too careful.

A few years ago, we watched "Vanilla Sky", and I was tripping out about how no-one can really be sure of anything. It was then that Lisa first admitted to me that she was a robot... or something. I can't actually remember what she said, but it was really creepy and I went to bed that night wondering if I would wake up in the same world as I'd known it the night before. I wondered if watching Vanilla Sky was all planned by the secret agency, for whom I am a living experiment, and that the movie with all its twists and turns was a way of introducing me to the concept that reality doesn't exist.

I was Michael Douglas in "The Game" that night. Perhaps I was heading for some kind of suicidal path to enlightenment... or not. Of course, I woke up the next day and everything was normal. Lisa looked, sounded and felt like the Lisa I always knew and loved. And though I knew that she was just another clone from the lab, I went along with it anyway.

I have gone through life with this kind of paranoia, that there is much more to it all than we realise. So many times I've arrived at a place in my life that is the culmination of unrelated yet intertwined events, orchestrated so perfectly, with such impecable timing, that I know beyond any doubt that the Matrix is real, and that it doesn't run on Windows XP.

Hey, maybe God, the one in the bible, acutally does exist and sovereinly rule over everything. And maybe, from time to time, he dips his finger into our lives and freaks us out with 'chance' meetings and 'coincidences'. And maybe those strange phenomena that we experience, like when you predict that a celebrity is going to appear in the news or something, are just God's way of reminding us that there is life and action outside our understanding of time and space. Or maybe its just too much chocalate before bed.

One thing is for certain, cooking with pistols can lead to nasty accidents.